Women are always looking for “signs” to help them understand their male counterpart’s intentions. To me, meeting/introducing the parents, a set of keys, a drawer for spare clothes, and an established toothbrush space signify the desire to start a substantial relationship. But a lot of these ‘signs’ sprout from a need for convenience.

     Las Vegas life is nothing if not accommodating (especially for alcoholics), and there’s very little we natives won’t do to make life a little easier…even if that means giving your gate passcode to someone you’ve known five minutes so you don’t have to reach over from the passenger’s seat to punch it in. So how do you make the distinction between what’s easy and what’s real?

      About 3 months ago, I met Jake* at a nightclub in the Bellagio where he works as a VIP host. He was witty and well-dressed with dark skin, broad shoulders and a smooth way with words. In short, he was trouble in a well-tailored suit…completely irresistible. 

     The first two weeks of our acquaintance were promising, but then, I’m ashamed to say my inner skank got the best of me (wah wah). Almost immediately after, his contact with me reduced to text messages every Monday between 3 and 6pm (I swear, like clockwork…friggin weirdo).  

     Despite his distance, I stubbornly refused to let go of all the bullshit he had said to me in those first few weeks. That would be admitting I was an idiot that fell for his lines…plus, he was hot. It’s pathetic, but it’s true. On one particularly lonely night of desperation, I consented to a sleepover. I hadn’t seen him (or anyone for that matter) in about a month and needed a cuddle, dammit. 

     I went to his place around 4 a.m. armed with my Hello Kitty travel toothbrush (doing the walk of shame with morning breath is just adding insult to injury). When I got there, he told me he bought a toothbrush for me to keep there, and it’s on the bathroom sink. Ummm…seriously? 

     A toothbrush might not make things Facebook official, but I always thought a  toothbrush meant the person wanted you around in between meals. It definitely means something to have a piece of prime bathroom real estate…right?

     This opened a floodgate of questions: Did Jake buy it because I had made a flippant comment about hating morning breath? Does that mean he listens and remembers things I say? Or did he buy it because all of our trysts have taken place after a night of drinking, and the Breathsavers just aren’t cutting it? Was he just being considerate? If he’s so damn considerate, why doesn’t he take me out on a date? Does this mean he likes me and wants me around more? Or does this mean he just wants me to brush?

     What the hell?!?

     As I stared at the offending oral hygiene tool, contemplating its significance, it dawned on me that sharing that inch of space in the medicine cabinet may have nothing to do with a deeper emotional attachment…which totally makes things confusing, and sucky.

     After my internal five-minute freakout and a week of stressing, I came to the conclusion that…it’s just a toothbrush. When something means something, I’ll know because it will be meaningful. A toothbrush is not a sign that a guy is into me…a date is. I broke it off with Jake soon after. Putting more consideration into the significance of a toothbrush than my own mental health is a serious problem, and my BFF Jose Cuervo and I are working very hard on fixing it.